Auf Achse
by Nicole Luna
Summary: Regretting and hoping isn’t a bad combination after all. Losing his expectations and regaining them is one thing that you’d never expect from him. Oneshot, M X N X R.


A TALE OF ANTICIPATION AND LAMENTATION

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first attempt in writing a Gakuen Alice fanfiction, no flames please! Constructive criticism is good but flames are Natsume's thing! This is a dare that PB-kun told me to do and to whom this story is dedicated to. It may be confusing, dark or sappy but I hope that readers will like it and would be kind enough to point out corrections concerning grammar or spelling. That'll be appreciated! Thank you!

DISCLAIMER: If I ever I beat the hell out of Bill Gates, I would own Gakuen Alice. As of now, I am just a student who needs to earn funds for her upcoming Bangkok trip! Gakuen Alice is owned by Higuchi Tachibana and I can't argue with that! I also don't own the song (Auf Achse) used in the story which rightfully belongs to one of my favorite bands, Franz Ferdinand. THEY ROCK!

***

Another vase was sent flying off to the wall. Tiny pieces of glass speckled like stars on the midnight sky. It was his third attempt to break his expensive vases lying around in his luxurious room. His maid robot tried to stop his raging emotion but he was uncontrollable as of the moment. He took in and pertained all of the things that he saw awhile ago---he didn't like any of it. Not one bit made him smile in his insides. To calm his senses and his testosterone down, he turned on his radio to hear soft melody and gently pull his covers and go to sleep. It was his way of forgetting events that were excruciating—at least for awhile. He felt like all of the world's problems were on his shoulder. He was getting tired of carrying it around and letting people see that this was the effect of it to him: a person who never smiles and likes to stay out of the crowd. He wanted them to see their other point of view as a young entity who is the exact opposite of the person he is now. Right now, he is torn into pieces. Time will heal him and he will be reinstated soon.

_You see her, you can't touch her  
You hear her, you can't hold her  
You want her and you can't have her  
You want to, but she won't let you_

A weird tune starts to play from his radio and he was suddenly struck by the lyrics. He was waiting in vain for five years but he couldn't seem to sort his issues out. He wasn't able to tell her what he really felt, guilt and pride swallowing him and making him more of the person he is known throughout the academy. Since she entered the school, he was instantly attracted to her. He felt that he was down-to-earth once more. For years of being treated like a king, he thought that he was a godly image to his fellow schoolmates. Seeing tears form in the corner of her eyes showed the spasm and the apprehension of a human being which he only realized at that time. Even if he had that fiery Alice, he was still a mortal created by God Almighty. Realizing that somebody owns her now, he won't take any hesitation and leave her to whom she rightfully belongs. He would be stuck in one corner, weeping and cussing. Grief, trepidation and infuriation will make up his whole adolescent life as he grows up. What will become of his future if he continues to have all of these three negative traits at the same time?

_She's not so special  
So look what you've done, boy_

_Now you wish you'd never come back here again  
Oh, never come back here again_

He has this day to regret. He has this day to throw everything out of sight related to her or not. He has this day to curse everyone behind their backs. He has this day to ruin himself by just burning his body alive. He is taking his problems too seriously. Maybe with a little help from his friends, but did he had any who can be dependable and not think of himself first? The answer depends on his point of view. He doesn't even care about his other situations like his homeworks or test because he usually skips class but now he does it alone. His best friend turned his back against him. He thought that they would be doing things together as they continue to learn and turn into fully-grown adults. His hopes were shattered because of her. He didn't want to blame anybody because it's no one's fault that she was like a piece of fly paper to a swarm of flies. He didn't want to commit blasphemy and censure the Lord that she was damn beautiful at such a young age. In fact, it came to him that he was also selfish when she hangs out with him whenever she has the time and do nothing but to stare at the other living organisms surrounding their ecosystem. The first thing that comes into his mind when she's around is what a man thinks every seven seconds: to make her swim underneath canopies of white sheets and have a passionate rendezvous. Clearing his head, he has to face the reality. He was too late to make an action and it ended up bitter. If he didn't deny what he really felt for her then it would be sweet victory for him that they would be spending their days together until it ends up in matrimony. Reality check told him that she ended up with his best friend. Oh, how he REALLY wished that he could never see her again and start a new life. The verses and chorus repeated, making him want to burn the radio in ashes. He had to bear with a lot of concerns but he still managed to look calm and collected.

_And now I'm nailed above you, gushing from my side  
It's with your sins that you have killed me  
Thinking of your sins I die  
Thinking how you'd let them touch you  
How you'd never realize that I'm ripped  
And hang forsaken  
Knowing never I will rise again_

Another shot hit him right on the head. He grasped the idea that if she does not exist in this world then his so-called life means nothing to him after all that they've been through. All of their bittersweet moments under their favorite spot will retain in his mind. To add to that, he was overprotective towards her. He doesn't want other men to ogle at how beautiful she is inside or out or worse, her body that they want to rip off all her clothes and drag her in bed! He shook his head, clearing off his perverted mind into the subject. He is deadpanning serious about how to live in a normal way that now his loved one is now in the arms of someone. He has to overlook his pessimistic feelings and be happy with the way life has given him! If it is by God's will that he will have to suffer for another round, he has to stand straight and wait. He has to take note that patience is definitely a virtue. If someone retorts that the more the time that he waits, the more time that he wastes, which side will he lean on to? It's definitely a confusing time for him to think of proverbs of such.

_You see her  
You hear her  
You want her  
You want to_

_You see her  
You still hear her  
You want her  
You still want to…_

He is pissed off. In the first place, why did he want to listen to this song if all that it can do was to hurt him more? With a snap of his fingers, the gadget was gone before his maid robot's eyes that she immediately cleaned up his mess. He slipped on his robe, realizing that he was topless and baring what fan girls would like to touch endlessly. After all, she wasn't only the girl he knows! Maybe sometime, he'll date Sumire even if he finds her voluble and slutty or other girls from his fan base! He felt a bit lighter thinking that there were many fish to catch in the sea. He walked to his big window to loosen up himself by looking at the sight of the lush greenery. The trees weren't his first attraction, he saw a couple happily sharing an ice cream cone. The people whom he found despicable and pompous were being followed by a pair of cold ruby red eyes that showed conceit and resentment as they happily lick each other's faces smeared with mint chocolate ice cream. _If it's bitter at the start, then it's sweeter in the end._

_Now I can see things for what they really are._

_  
I guess I'm not that far._

_  
I'm at the point of no return._

_  
Just watch me burn!_

He smiled inwardly, thinking that someday he will experience having a special someone in his arms. He has to look at the bright side and look how it suddenly makes him more confident in his own skin! He crosses his fingers that it will become for real and change the way how people look at him as an individual. This is the start of a thriving young man who is desperately seeking for his soul mate.

Tomorrow, he'll ask out a couple of girls and see where it takes him. This is going to be interesting!

***

FIN

Author's Note: How was it? Do you get how does the story flow? Tell me instantly! A sequel might be in the works!


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